Co-Parenting With Less Stress this Summer

Co-Parenting can become even more difficult than usual during the summer. Routines are different and custody/possession schedules change creating added opportunities for conflict to develop. An important tool for reducing conflict is careful planning.

Pick-up and drop-off of children tends to be stressful and can trigger emotions in both the children and the adults. Child psychologists suggest that “picking up” from one parent’s home can be perceived by the child as “taking from” that parent. One way to avoid this is to always have the possessory parent drop off at the parent’s home who will be starting their period of possession. For example, on dad’s weekend with the child, mom takes the child to dad. At the end of the time period, dad takes the child back to mom. Another alternative is to meet at a neutral location for all exchanges. Most importantly, the adults should always avoid negativity regarding the child’s time with the other parent. This will help the child feel good about transitioning from one parent to the other. Remember, adult conflict should stay private between the adults and the children should be free to enjoy their time with each parent.

Communication with the child during the co-parent’s time of possession is another common trigger for conflict. Co-parents need to discuss and decide when, how, how often, and for how long communication will take place. Will the child call the possessory parent daily? By phone or Facetime? Be sure to take into account the age and maturity of the child. Also take into account that each parent has a right to enjoy time with the child without undue interruptions. Above all, be fair and balanced. If the child calls mom every day when spending time with dad, make sure he/she calls dad every day when spending time with mom.

Finally, the sharing of information is a third area that creates conflict among co-parents. Who keeps up with teacher conferences, dental appointments, and baseball schedules? How does the co-parent know when these events take place? This problem often gets more complicated in the summer months when you add in summer activities, travel plans, and back to school information. Many families have found that using an app such as Talking Parents or Our Family Wizard is an ideal solution. They upload all important dates and records (report cards, vaccination records, etc.) to the app and both parents can then access it at any time. Receipts can also be uploaded so parents can easily keep record of who needs to pay for what.

In conclusion, co-parenting is not easy. Conflict doesn’t automatically disappear when the divorce is final. However, the children need for both parents to work together in their best interest and that means reducing conflict as much as possible. By thinking ahead to situations that might be contentious and creating a plan, both parents and children will benefit.